Sarah Jessica Parker: Shoe Designer

So I am a shameless shoe addict. Most women are. I whole heartedly admit it. Despite my obsession, I am proud to say I have NEVER spent more than $100 on a pair of shoes. I am an avid fan of fashion, especially having lost a significant amount of weight over the last few years, having oodles of clothing option open to me that I could have never worn before. I shamelessly admit my magpie love of sparkly things and my peacock tendency towards flamboyant and chic fashion but something that drives me crazy? Celebrity fashion designers.

First of all, no matter how big of a fan I am of someone, I’m not driving 2 1/2 hours to the nearest Nordstroms to spend $500 on a plain white tee shirt that some celebrity attached their name to. I can look just as good for a fraction of that price and I will not be caught dead bathing myself in a celebrity perfume scent, which I can only assume is a disgusting musk of flowers and chemicals that some out of touch with reality celebrity assumes women want to smell like and seriously, wtf is up with male celebrities putting out female perfumes (offender number 1: Justin Bieber). Every time I walk through Belk I get assaulted by dozens of scent-spraying women hoping to attract a customer to their make up counter. Stop. Please. Just stop. 

I am a woman and I don’t want to smell like any one else other than myself. Nor do I want to smell like some entitled brat whose out of touch with reality who THINKS he knows what women want to smell like. Seriously, don’t do it. No self respecting woman wants to smell like cotton candy and there’s so many variances of vanilla it’s positively passe. 

Now for the reason of this new post. Celebrity designers. Hardly new or innovative. Case in point, Sarah Jessica Parker. She made her career as Carrie on Sex and the City. Fashion obsessed maven and wanna-be author. I follow the StyleList website and today’s article was talking about SJP’s new shoe line

Apparently she’s been obnoxiously tight-lipped and evasive about it’s production and release of press photos (until 20 mins ago, I didn’t even know she was doing a shoe line). But the ONE PHOTO she chooses to release is this one: 

Image

Sarah Jessica Parker and her “Diana” shoe

Yes. That is a plain black stiletto shoe with a strap across it. You can find a cheap knock off at KMart. This bad boy is going to retail somewhere in the $150-400.

I cringed. It’s not NEW. It’s not INNOVATIVE. It’s not even remotely attractive. I want cute shoes that are COMFORTABLE. Crushing my freakishly long toes into a pointy toe that makes me thing of the Wicked Witch of the West is not on my list of things to do today. Nor is having that stiletto heel ground into the sole of my foot! It’s not comfortable. It’s not steady or practical to walk on. They’re “f**k me” shoes for Meryl Streep’s character in “The Devil Wears Prada”.

I get it. Black is timeless. It goes with everything. But come ooooooooooonnnnnnnn, give me something new. You are not winning the war against the consumer putting out a high end black heel, wanting me to drop a paycheck on it and putting your name on it does nothing for me. 

My closet is a mix of name brand and Wal*Mart finds. I buy what I like, within reason, though I don’t normally buy name brand unless it’s on sale/clearance or I have a coupon but still, my closet is quite impressive, maybe not Carrie/Sex in the City-impressive but for someone living on the poverty line, I’ve done pretty well for myself but as an artist, I know the human body and as someone who knows how to sew/makes their own clothes on occasion, I am also super critical of fashion because just because something is “in” doesn’t mean it works for everyone!

exhibit A: skinny jeans

Image

Crisco grease and a prayer!

 This is why I cringe when celebrities become fashion icons/ start designing clothes. I blame you for this, Victoria Beckham! 

Seriously, I get so chagrined when I see celebrities putting lines out. You’re not the first to don a white tee shirt! Stop thinking you’re genious! Nor will you be the last to design a pair of black shoes so STOP IT!!! Or give them a cool detail! I’d rock those bitches in a heart beat if they were studded or sparkly or had a cool pattern on them but no one needs more than one or two pairs of black heels in their closet and I’m not spending $400 on yours if I can find one nearly identical for $20 at Payless! 

I don’t particularly care to have to alter stuff I buy but occasionally it has to be done. I know my body and I know what flatters it and consequently, I don’t mind taking up a hem that’s too long or taking in a top that I had to get a size too big to accommodate my ample bosoms to make sure it fits perfectly but I shouldn’t have to dye, paint, print, rip, tear, stud, or glitterize anything to make it more interesting because it looks like half the crap already in my closet! 

Ooooooh, you put the strap “off center”. Guess what? I had an office job two years ago and I bought a pair of shoes nearly identical to SJP’s “Diana” pump from zappos.com that had the SAME DETAIL! TWO WHOLE YEARS BEFORE SJP THOUGHT TO DO IT!!!! 

Not new.

Not innovative.

Not even creative.

I hope the rest of her line has some sort of wow-factor but so far, I’m not impressed.

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About bonefishdesigns

I hold a BFA in printmaking and drawing from Shepherd University in Shepherdstown, WV. Drawing and illustration have always been my passion and I make my living teaching people how to draw and paint. Currently, in addition to my work as a lifeguard, swim instructor and an art teacher, I'm also an apprentice to a tattoo artist and have done quite a bit of flash as well. I started this blog more as a way for me to keep track of my thoughts and inspiration, resources and references but I'm more than happy to welcome you to it with open arms. View all posts by bonefishdesigns

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