Well That’s a Big, Fat, DUH!

The headline on HuffingtonPost reads:

SPANX AND OTHER SHAPEWEAR ARE LITERALLY SQUEEZING YOUR ORGANS

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/01/20/spanx-shapewear_n_4616907.html?utm_hp_ref=mostpopular

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Suck it in!

Thank you, Captain Obvious! Common sense and basic knowledge of science says if you squish something down, it’s gotta go somewhere so something else is going to get moved around as well. It’s why I wear spanx! It’s why women have been wearing corsettes, girdles, and other bindary means for CENTURIES!!! 

I hate panty lines. Spanx hides them. I hate stomach and butt jiggle. Guess what Spanx does? Yup! No jiggle! Do I think I look thinner in my spanx? Ehhhhh, not necessarily. I like how it smoothes everything down so I don’t have any embarrassing bumps or bulges if I wear something clingy but I can’t squeeze my size 14 backside into a size 8 dress in spanx.

Fit is key. Seriously. I don’t care what size you are, if you’re wearing something too big or too small, it’s going to show. Pants too small? Wearing them too tight and too low? Helloooooooo muffing top! Too big? Say hello to Mr. Plumber’s Asscrack! 

Same goes with shapewear. It’s meant to smooth, shape, contour. . . if you’re looking like a stuffed sausage in a casing, you’re wearing it too tight. 

I can’t believe time and money was spent researching this! I’ve been stuck in a pair of too-tight spanx before and I couldn’t BREATH. I can squeeze into that smaller size but god help me should I feel the need to pass gas, it might be a major blow out. Those contents are under pressure! 

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Obey the size chart! They know what they’re talking about!

The same can be said for LuLuLemon. I don’t own any of their products but I’ve read about them being under fire, class action lawsuits, yadda, yadda, yadda, because their products are see through! They’re not see through! Spandex only stretches so far and if you’re squeezing an extra-large ass into EXTRA-small pants, critical mass will be achieved! 

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Don’t be a stuffed sausage.

Tighter does not equate better or more flattering. Tighter can actually cause bulges in new/different areas and can make you look heavier! Did 10 years worth of “What Not to Wear” not teach us anything! Oi vey! Where’s Stacy and Clinton!? 

 

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About bonefishdesigns

I hold a BFA in printmaking and drawing from Shepherd University in Shepherdstown, WV. Drawing and illustration have always been my passion and I make my living teaching people how to draw and paint. Currently, in addition to my work as a lifeguard, swim instructor and an art teacher, I'm also an apprentice to a tattoo artist and have done quite a bit of flash as well. I started this blog more as a way for me to keep track of my thoughts and inspiration, resources and references but I'm more than happy to welcome you to it with open arms. View all posts by bonefishdesigns

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